Sex: Trust or Fragmentation

One of the points made in my last sermon on Sexual Wisdom is that sex was meant to build and cultivate and express trust and vulnerability and oneness between a husband and a wife (being “naked and unashamed”).

I once heard a sermon where Tim Keller described the life commitment of marriage this way (I may not have his exact wording, but it was something like this)—

A marriage covenant is when you say, “I am your spouse and I will be your spouse in spite of all the uncertainties of the future. I make a vow—a life commitment—that creates a covenant relationship of security and trust and acceptance so that you have the freedom to make yourself vulnerable with me. The covenant vow makes it safe for you to open yourself up to me and be naked and unashamed to me.” That is what a marriage covenant is.

In the mysterious and a bit poetic language of Genesis 2:24-25, the Bible tells us that as human beings created in the image of God, sex is not just a means by which new life is created, but also a means of cultivating intimacy between a husband and wife in a uniquely glorious way, not just on the physical level, but on the level of the soul. Sex is God’s covenant act, a unitive act, a binding act that exclusively creates and continues to cultivate a physical AND spiritual oneness in a way we can’t fully understand.

That’s why sex is actually commanded by God between husband and wife. It blesses the marriage. And it blesses them.

Now, because everyone lives inside God’s universe, it turns out we actually don’t get to create our own universe and live by our own beliefs. We live inside God’s universe. So the equations of reaping what we sow are always constant. And because of the way God made us and the way he made our sexuality, we don’t get to create our own purpose for sex. It ALWAYS works the way God designed it and designed us.

That’s why “hooking up,” as they say, is exactly that—it’s hooking up your body and soul to another, and then ripping it out from your soul, your personality, your psyche, and your emotions. It rips and fragments your soul and your ability to trust in a sexual relationship in the future. Sex cannot ever be casual because sex is never casual by God’s design.

So instead of creating the relational oneness of being naked and unashamed—instead of sex cultivating trust and love and vulnerability—it instead creates sexual dysfunction in your life and soul by imitating love and intimacy and vulnerability and robbing you of the real thing! That’s why any sex outside of marriage actually trains you NOT to trust—NOT to be truly vulnerable relationally.

Whether it was intended or not, I think a great illustration of this reality is seen in the music video by Gotye. It’s an artistic look at the fragmentation and dysfunction created when we “hook up” sexually outside the covenant of marriage.

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