Category Archives: Marriage

Does parenthood trump marriage?

Marriage or parenthood? Which do you value more? Is it more worthwhile to work at marriage and being the best spouse you can be, or to be devoted to your kids and raising them to be the best they can be?

Obviously, a lot of us would say, “Do I have to choose?” But a Pew Research study found precisely that millennials (roughly those 18-29) value parenthood far more than marriage. What do we make of that?

Love Languages: The Good and The Bad

Everywhere I look it seems that I run into someone carrying around one of Gary Chapman’s books on Love Languages. There are plenty to choose from and it seems that he’s left no demographic untouched. There are Love Language books targeted at adults, teens, children, singles, and men. There’s a Love Language devotional, small group

Marriage Advice That’s Practical…And Biblical

I love it when social science affirms what we find in the Bible if for no other reason than it gives me confidence that the Bible is God’s Word to us. If the Bible is true, and of course I believe it is, then we should expect to see it accurately describe the world we live in. So I was glad Charles passed on to me an article on marriage research that appeared in The Atlantic last year. The author, Emily Smith, writes about the research done by psychologists John and Julie Gottman of the Gottman Institute in New York.

A team of researchers brought in thousands of couples to participate in a longitudinal study in which they initially measured physiological differences in couples while engaging in conversation with each other about their relationship. Six years later they checked back in with the couples to find out how their marriages were doing. Based on the data gathered, the Gottmans separated the couples into Masters and Disasters. The Masters were those couples in a self described happy marriage and the Disasters were the couples who were either no longer together or in chronically unhappy marriages.

When it comes to marriage, what determines whether you are a Master or a Disaster?

We All Need Protection…from Ourselves

Galatians 1:6-12 (ESV) I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel – not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we or

Two More Votes for ‘The Modesto Manifesto’

Mark 10:2-9 (ESV) And Pharisees came up and in order to test [Jesus] asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because

How to Stay Married for 49 Years

One of my favorite things this holiday season was the opportunity to celebrate my parents’ 49th wedding anniversary. The older I get and the longer I’ve been married, the more I realize how remarkable this truly is.

I asked my parents if they had any tips or advice that they thought had helped them reach this milestone. Here is what they shared:

Know Anyone Who’s Dreading the Holidays?

I recently ran into a friend who confided in me his grief over a friend’s disintegrating marriage. My friend has been married for decades, but even though divorce in the United States occurs in roughly half of all marriages, I was struck by how shocked and sad he was when faced with the reality of a

When silence is not so golden

Imagine the following scenario:

A husband and wife out for a nice dinner. The wife starts to talk about their daughter Kate; she then moves on to mention their son’s baseball practice that has just been rescheduled. And then it’s straight on to how the kids are constantly arguing.

The husband interrupts his wife. “Dear, can we please try not to talk about the kids while out on this date?” The wife agrees.

Cut to silence. The husband and wife chewing their food, not talking.

And the silence continues: husband and wife, eating a nice dinner, at a lovely restaurant, with no conversation.

Does that hit home for you?

The Most Sane Article On Marriage Ever To Appear In A National Newspaper

bride-groom-12616238When I finished reading “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person” on Sunday, I immediately checked to see if I was still reading the New York Times or if I had inadvertently hit a button on my Kindle and switched to The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller, pastor of a well known church in NYC. But it turned out that it actually was the Times Opinion page I was reading and the author wasn’t Keller or another pastor or even (as far as I can tell) a professing Christian. Instead it was written by Alain de Botten, a 46 year old British philosopher who writes books and appears on television.

I commend the article to you because the whole thing, as written by de Blotten, is worth reading and also because it might prove helpful to discuss with friends or in a small group or to pass on to others whether they are single or married. You won’t get a much better marital perspective.

6 Nuggets of Wisdom On Marriage and One Important Thing He Got (kinda) Wrong

Grace Highlighted in the Life of a Rebel

Yesterday marked my husband’s 55th birthday. We celebrated with family, friends and cake. Lots of cake…way too much cake. And lots of laughter too. On more than one occasion, I found myself sort of “stepping back” and taking it all in. There was Warren, surrounded by people who care about him, uncomfortably accepting the attention